Let it all out.

When traumatic events happen we deal with them in whatever style we use & then get on with life thinking it's done & dusted. Then something will happen & out of the blue there will be tears streaming down your face because it's far from over, it's just buried in that secret place that we store the bad stuff. This has happened to me the last 2 meetings at church when debt has been talked about. You see, amost 8 years ago debt fell on my family in a big way. It was my father & in trying to set up his own company things went very, very badly wrong & we almost lost him. I wont go into the fine details because I don't feel it's appropriate but please don't think for a minute that it's out of shame it's purely because it's not my place. My point is that there is no need to feel shame this only adds to the isolation & going it alone is the worst thing you can do. So I've learnt that we really need to work through things in the first place & not to just put a brave face on things. The one thing that I have now that I didn't have 8 years ago is faith. I'm going to pray into the issues that are locked away & I know I never have to walk this life alone again.

 Esther xx

The right to judge?

Christianity comes with responsibility,  I get that. The responsibility to always think & act in the right way. The simple truth is that we're all human and mess up a lot of the time.
For me it was the actions of others that we are friends with that has been the subject of discussion in the last week. What do we do about friends that are essentially sinners in the way they lead their lives?
I was asked how I can 'claim' to be a Christian without condemning people for their actions. I guess it's a good question but I'm still offended that I'm seen as a person that should go around pointing a finger of disapproval at people.
My role is to love people no matter what their personal circumstances are, I can do that AND be a Christian. God is the judge of people not me and whilst he does not forgive sin he does forgive sinners.

Lets be a people that helps & guides people, that is what Jesus would do.

Esther xx

Happy Mother's Day!

Despite my title, this morning in church I also had a reminder that Mother's Day isn't a happy day for everyone. It also reminded me that I shouldn't get so stressed with my children or worry so much about school reports etc. They're here, they're healthy (praise God) and they're happy.

My Husband & I hadn't been together very long when we discovered I had medical issues that might mean we would never conceive naturally so at the age of 20 & 23 respectively we had already decided we would adopt if necessary.

In 2000 I thought I might be pregnant but none of my pregnancy tests were positive, but just k knew something wasn't right. Finally I had to have a blood test to work out what was wrong & my GP said he thought I might be right & sent me for an ultrasound. The scan revealed a baby, but no heartbeat. I was completely devastated.

In 2001 my first little miracle, Luke, arrived. Wow, how I fell in love at first sight! I had conceived very easily but due to my condition Luke was born with hip dysplasia. He spent 2 weeks on traction, 23 hours of the day with only 1 hour off for cuddles & baths. If he cried in the night I couldn't cuddle him. After traction came an op & the almost 4 months in a hip cast which came off when he was 13months old. Luke also had a large strawberry birthmark on his left eyelid. This started to impact his vision as it was making the eye an irregular shape so had to start a series of patching the good eye to strengthen the bad. The strawberry mark was eventually removed by a remarkable plastic surgeon at Great Ormond Street hospital when Luke was 3.

Miracle number 2, Oscar. Also very easily conceived but a difficult pregnancy with lots of scans as I was bleeding. I felt very sick most of the time too. I went into premature labour at 34 weeks & Oscar was born by emergency c section as he was in respiratory distress. When he was born he took one breath then stopped breathing but thankfully he started to breathe again. I didn't have my faith then but I remember thinking 'why have you let me come this far to take him from me now?' It occurred to me very recently that I must of been talking to God. I didn't meet Oscar until the following day as he was in special care & only had a Polaroid picture. My Husband pointed out how his leg looked really turned in & as we had already been told by Luke's orthopeodic surgeon that all my babies would most likely have hip problems we assumed Oscar did too. A scan when Oscar was 12 weeks old revealed he has too healthy hips, yay! We did later discover that Oscar had a congenital nasal defect & one nasal passage was blocked. He had 2 operations to sort that out.


During our many trips to hospital we encountered very sick children & all of them had completely remarkable parents. We would be in awe of them & it proved how trivial our childrens ailments were in comparison.

I believe God chooses who faces these challenges because he knows that they will use their experiences for the good.

Texts for life
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

Happy Mother's Day all,

Esther xx

Do we really realise how Jesus died?

As a relatively new Christian this is the first year that I've really read the accounts of how Jesus actually died.

We're so used to romanticised images of Jesus on the cross that we either don't know the true extent of how horrific his death was or, like I was, are completely unaware.

Taunted, tortured then made to carry the cross of his crucifiction before being nailed to the cross, a crown of thorns placed on his head & stabbed.Let's not shy away from the facts, we owe it to Jesus to face these facts head on.

I haven't been able to get the image out of my head, I love my saviour more than ever & want him to know that I will never be worthy but will let him know daily that I am forever grateful.

Esther xx

Remember the small blessings.

Yesterday was not a great day, lots of little things happened that brought me down. Like an un-expected tax-bill, the school calling me to ask me to collect my Son because he's un-well...just as I'd got my mindee off to sleep!

Anyway, today is another day. It's the time of day for naptime again & as I'm sitting here while my mindee sleeps I feel blessed.
Today I'm grateful that my Son can't go to school (he's feeling fine by the way just not allowed back yet) I'm grateful because it's raining & I don't need to go out on the school run,  my eldest comes home independently.
I'm grateful that my Husband has the day off & has gone to do some food shopping.
I'm grateful that I'm sitting in a nice warm house on a comfy sofa in the dry.
I'm grateful that I got to have some nice chats with friends at Sparklers this morning.

The list could go on & on but I'm guessing you get the picture.

So before we get caught up in all the things that get us down, stop & think of all the little blessings that make life so wonderful.

Esther xx

Bravery in faith

I was sitting in church yesterday and suddenly had an overwhelming feeling of how brave I had been in becoming a Christian. I am the lone Christian in my family apart from my young children that is. They are on the path to a relationship with God.

My Dad is Jewish and 'waiting for me to come to my senses' but I do empathise, please don't get me wrong. His Rabbi has actually tries to appeaese him by explaining that I am living by the 10 commandments and this in itself is to be celebrated.
My mum is most definitely on the fence & my Husband, whilst not being a complete non-believer just doesn't get.

All this means that going my own way & declaring my love for Jesus took quite a lot of bravery & can sometimes feel lonely. It's for this and many other reasons that church is so important. I can spend time with like mind people and be reminded of the fact that it's not about me anyway.

I would also like to acknowledge that I know this is all quite mild & that I'm aware that huge atrocities happen world wide to people simply for being Christians.

God spoke to me during this scripture on a day that my Faith had been critised.

If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. For it is time for judgment to begin with God's household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? (1 Peter 4:14, 17 NIV)

Esther xx

A new adventure

You know those times when someone prays for you and they tell you that they feel God is saying something to them about you? And also how we often tell those people they're wrong because you're certain that God has other plans.
well, I had one of those moments a few months back on my Alpha away day. One of the people praying for me said that he really sees me spreading the word of God & the other person told me she felt God saying I would do so by writing. I dismissed both of these things as public speaking terrifies me & I'm certainly no author. Clearly God must've got this wrong.

Fast forward a few months, to this very afternoon infact & I had an amazing idea. I love social networking & chatting about all the wonderful things that happen in our church, Kerith community church but wouldn't it be great if I could dedicate a place to it. So thought I'd write a blog,but you're all invited too!

So I am, in fact, spreading the word & writing.It would seem God was right after all. :)

Look forward to spending time with you,

Esther xx