Sunday, 20 April 2014

Goodbye my friend

I have this friend Sara, she has the most amazing smile and incredible laugh. She's strong, stubborn and a fabulous wife and mother.

Well, you have to be pretty strong to fight cancer for 10 years.

I last saw Sara about 4 weeks ago, we usually see each other at school pick up and drop off but she hadn't been in the playground since the kids came back from their Christmas break and I knew she must be very Ill if she couldn't make it out to pick up her lovely Sons from nursery and school. So I checked with her Husband and made arrangements to pop round. I was shocked by the change in her appearance, but she was still very much herself to talk to.

We talked about the elephant in the room, the 'Big C' and we talked normal mum stuff. Most fundamentally for me, Sara opened up about her Faith and how She'd had Faith as long as she could remember.  I'm pretty sure she was saying 'it's OK, I know I'm dying to this life on earth but I'm going home to Jesus' and that she'd made her peace with it.

The cancer was in most of her organs, then in the last few months a large tumour had grown on her back. The next blow was, the cancer had spread to her brain.  A week of Radiotherapy was started to tackle the brain tumour and completed 3 weeks ago.

Less than a week later she died.

She was never my closest friend, I think it would be wrong to give you that impression but she was always 'for' me. Trusted me to childmind her youngest Son when that was my job and was a champion of my new  business when I started that. We shared little 'in' jokes, made each other laugh and stood side by side in the world of motherhood.

We hugged the day I left her house (we never usually hugged!) that last time I saw her, she held me tight for a good while. In hindsight this was goodbye.

My first church service since hearing Sara had passed away was very emotional. Singing the lyrics 'you alone are good' about God in one of our worship songs just didn't ring true. I was angry with Him. Then God gave me an image of blue sky, beautiful meadows and Sara running through them. Her amazing laugh ringing out. Ok, she's in heaven and I'm so glad she's out of pain but tell me again why she's not here with her Husband and two young boys?

I know I will find out in the fullness of time why God heals some and not others, right now it seems like a lottery that makes no sense but if Sara found the strength to still have faith with all that was thrown at her,  then who am I to question it?

Until we meet again my friend, I love you.

Esther xx


  1. This is a beautiful tribute to your friend, Esther. I am choking back the tears as I hear the depth of emotion in your 'voice'. She sounds like a very special person and one that God could not wait to bring home. Praying for her husband and sons (and you too). So tough to say goodbye to loved ones :( x

  2. Thank you so much Suzanne, it's really hard to find the words to do her justice or explain just how much it hurts. Your prayers are so gratefully received. x